Crossovers that shouldn't Happen 5 - BSG Rosario Vampire
by keithallen
Summary: On Caprica, Sam and Kara battle cylons, Tsukune and the gang just want to relax. Go to Earth? are you fraking kidding me!


Crossovers that shouldn't happen #5

BSG / Rosario Vampire

On Caprica, Kara Thrace and Sam Anders led the band of resistance fighters through the woods to meet with a Colonial Raptor so they could escape the Cylons. From the back, a rear guard ran up to them, out of breath.

"Sam!" the man said, panting from his run. "Toasters are following us, We saw three, but there has to be more."

"How far back?" Sam asked.

"Bout half a mile. They were going down the last hill as we were topping this last rise."

"Are they gaining?" Sam asked.

"Hard to tell, it looked like they were just following our path."

"I bet they are waiting for night fall to attack us when we're asleep," Kara said firmly.

"So, we give them a surprise attack," Sam replied. Sam stepped up to the next hump and looked around. Up there! We'll go up on that hill and hide . When they come by, we hit them from above."

"Look up there!" A man yelled and pointed his gun. Everyone else did also. They saw nothing but trees.

"Where?" Kara asked, searching for a target.

"I thought I saw something," the man said.

"Don't let your imagination get away with you," Sam said in a grumble. "Let's go."

.

Moka and Tsukune lay back on the hillside just above the ruins of what they guessed was a house. Tsukune asked if Yukari could find a remote place for them to relax. Yukari searched and found a nice location, the only problem being it was radioactive. Making a portal to this remote place, Yukari and Ruby put up an invisible shield around the area to keep the radiation out. Besides Tsukune and Moka, Kurumu, Yukari, Ruby, and Mizore came along also. For once, they had left all the children at home.

Being witches, Ruby and Yukari were roaming around, inspecting the plant life. Kurumu was off someplace, flying in the limits of the giant protective dome. Mizore was off, most likely stalking something. It was all peaceful and quiet, until they heard hushed voices.

.

"What is that?" One of the women in Sam's group hissed as she looked up.

Looking up, ready to shoot, Kara saw a form disappear above the treetops. The shape of the wings and their darkness make her say, "It looked like a huge bat."

"Never seen nothing like that before," another man said.

"At least it's not a cylon, let's go," Sam told him.

Sam found the remains of a wall and led his group past it, then came back to hide behind the wall. Walking into the area, he stopped short. Two people, a man with dark brown hair and a woman with pink hair sat on the ground just above the wall, watching them.

"Hello?" Sam asked, wary of people out here alone with no weapons, and no nothing.

The pair looked at each other and shrugged, then the man smiled and waved.

Sam waved back and led his people to get in place along the wall.

"Who are you?" Kara asked as she approached the pair. The pair got up as she went over to them. Each bowing, the man said, "Aono Tsukune." The woman said, "Aono Moka."

Kara eyed them. She'd never seen a skin job like either of these people. "Are you living out here?" she asked, thinking somehow they escaped being molested by cylons.

The pair looked at each other. The woman ran off in a line of speech she didn't understand. She looked at the man and rambled on some more. He nodded and rattled on a bit, sounding sympathetic, he then jerked a thumb behind him, turned and walked over the top of the hill. The woman giggled and waved a hand at Kara as she spoke.

"Who the frack are you?" Kara asked firmly. She had no idea what language they were speaking.

"Kara, we need to get down," Sam said firmly. Looking at the pink haired women, he motioned to the wall and crouched, trying to show her they needed to hide.

The woman raised an eyebrow at him. She walked over to the wall, looked at the others crouching or lying down, looked back at him and shrugged.

"She's frackin dead when those cylons get here," Kara stated.

Sam tried again. He motioned to get down, then crouched down and waved for her to join him. The woman frowned at him. He patted the ground beside him. Her frowned deepened and she stomped back to where she'd been and sat down, Arms crossed over her chest.

"You tried," Kara said and got down beside Sam. Peeking out at the ground below, she said, "I figure another half hour and they'll be here."

Sam nodded. As loud as he dared, he said, "We all shoot together when I say."

.

Tsukune went looking for Ruby and Yukari. The dome area wasn't that huge, they had to be here someplace.

"Tsukune," came a chilled voice from behind him that crept up his spine. He turned to see Mizore behind him as he figured. "Mizore, have you seen Ruby or Yukari?" he asked.

"Um," she said with a nod and pointed the way. "By a pond, that way. Moka?"

"On the other side of the hill. Some people came. We can't understand a word they say. I was going to ask Ruby for some help."

"Umn," Mizore said and headed for the hilltop.

.

On the end of the line, Helo was watching out through a break in the wall, searching for the centurions they knew were coming. He was on edge, but for some reason, he was getting chilled. He shivered and pulled his coat a little tighter around him.

Beside him, Athena was also feeling a bit cool. Seeing something abnormal out of the corner of her eye, she turned to see a purple haired woman with a white stick hanging out of her mouth, staring at Helo. She spun and asked, "Who are you!"

Helo turned and let out a yelp.

Sitting on hr haunches, the woman pointed to Helo then Athena as she said something .

"Did you get that?" Helo asked.

"No, it's no language I know," Athena said quietly.

The pink haired woman called to the purple haired one. She got up and walked over to sit by the pink haired woman.

"Who the frack are they?"

"How'd she get behind us?" another man asked.

"Quiet down, the cylons will hear us!" Sam hissed. He then heard two women talking.

Kara let out a snort and said, "This is a frackin abortion. Sam, we need to move on. We'll hear the cylons when they shoot these idiots."

The purple haired woman was pointing the way they had come as she talked to the pink haired woman. They both got up and went over the hill.

"Thank the Gods, they're gone," Kara said in a breath.

Sam eyed her. "They might not know cylons are around."

"What, they've been living in a cave?"

"You explain it," he countered.

.

Walking along with Tsukune, Ruby held the plant she found as she explained, "I sense this plant has great healing potential. I'm going to take it back to study it."

On Tsukune's other side, Yukari beamed Tsukune a smile and held up some moss. "This had great aphrodisiac properties, AND it's edible!" With a wiggle of excitement, she said, "We all eat some and I can be the meat in a vampire sandwich!"

A staccato of gunfire sounded out and quickly got more intense. They stopped and Moka came running up, looking worried.

"Tsukune! Robots are shooting at those people!" Moka cried, "Quick take my rosary off!"

.

"FRACK!" Kara spat as cylon bullets chipped away at her hiding place. Trying to get another shot off brought several her way. The centurions were shooting a hail of fire at their cover as they advanced. Glaring at Sam, she growled "Great frackin move!"

Above the gunfire a woman's voice rang out. Kara looked to see a dark haired woman with long pigtails, wearing a black bustier laced up the front and a long skirt, wave a wand as she yelled something.

Lightning crashed down from the sky. The gunfire from the centurions lessened. She heard crashing, and the bullets were no longer directed at them. A centurion flew over her head, tumbling as it crashed into the hill above them. The pigtailed woman pointed her wand at it. A lightning bolt split the sky and came down on it. The centurion twitched shot out sparks and lay still.

What the FRACK?

More crashing sounded, and the gunfire fell off then ceased. Sam and Kara looked at each other then peeked over the wall as they heard voices from below. The centurions were down. Not just down. Some were smoking, others were in pieces.

.

Tsukune stood where he'd thrown the last robot standing into a tree, smashing both the tree and the robot. "Moka, any more of them?"

Thirty meters away, Moka frowned at him. "No. What Baka made those things?"

Kurumu flew down and plowed into Tsukune with a breast smothering hug. "Ya-HOOOOO! We won!"

Yukari appeared and twitched her wand.

 **BONG**

"Get off him, you MILK COW!" Yukari yelled as Kurumu grabbed her head and rolled to the side.

Kurumu shot up, glaring at Yukari, "Hey, flat chest, just what were YOU doing when I was swooping down and ripping those tings up, HUH?"

Wiggling her hips, Yukari said I was watching how awesome Moka and Tsukune are!" she announced. She added, "And I'm not the one who'll be tripping over they big flabby BOOBS when I'm thirty!" She stuck her tongue out at Kurumu.

"Why you," Kurumu growled and stalked towards Yukari.

Tsukune zipped in between them, arms out to keep them apart. "OK enough! Someone might be hurt, we better go see."

Silver haired Moka came over. She let out a snort and wave a hand at the faces peeking up over the wall. " **Tsukune, they are not our concern,"** she stated.

"We should see if they are all right," Tsukune told her.

" **Fine,"** Moka said absently. She grabbed her rosary out of Tsukune's pocket and put it back on. She fainted and went limp as she changed. Tsukune caught her and held her up.

.

"Did you see that?" A woman beside Kara cried.

"I think we're dead, and we're dreaming," Sam said absently.

"Knocked out. You don't dream when you're dead," Kara stated.

A giggle sounded from behind them. "You know this how?" a light female voice from behind them asked.

They turned to see the pigtailed woman right behind them. Sam asked, "You can understand us?"

"Of course! I cast a spell of Understanding upon all of you! One of the things I have in my extensive list of magic spells." Hugging herself the woman blushed and said on a swoon, "Soooo many wonderful things!"

"Ruby!' Tsukune asked as he approached. "Is anyone hurt?"

Ruby blinked and scanned the people on the ground who were staring up at her. Well, one was laid out, bleeding from the right side of his chest. Ruby went over and waved her wand in tiny circles over the wound. A few sparks of light, and the wound disappeared.

"Thank the Gods, it's a miracle!" a man who'd appeared in the back announced, his arms raised to the sides.

Mizore rose up from behind him and touched his shoulder. He froze solid, covered in ice crystals. She smacked him on the back of the head. He fell forward, breaking his hands off. Pointing to him, she said in monotone, "He was with the robots."

"This is impossible," Kara whispered. Crazy people didn't destroy centurions, freeze people or cast spells. "We have to be dreaming," she said vacantly.

Sam turned to Tsukune. "Do you live around here?" he asked.

Jumping up onto Tsukune's back, Kurumu said, "We just came for some quiet time." She then frowned an added, "But you and those robots ruined it!"

"Where do you live?" Kara asked firmly.

"Witch Hill," Tsukune said as he tried to pry Kurumu loose.

Yukari frowned and twitched her wand. A brass pan appeared over Kurumu. **BONG.**

Kurumu fell off Tsukune and shot up to growl at Yukari. "Why you…"

"STOP!" Tsukune and Moka yelled at the same time. Moka went on saying, "Yukari, stop that! Kurumu stop gloping onto MY Tsukune!"

"He's mine too!" Kurumu stated and grabbed Tsukune's arm.

Ruby let out a sigh and said, "Typical behavior from the harlot squad."

Dazed at what he was seeing, Sam asked, "Ahh, where's Witch Hill?"

"Japan," Tsukune said as if this was common knowledge. "What are you people doing out here?"

"Running from the toasters," Kara said and pointed to a chunk of centurion.

"From them? Why?' Kuurmu asked.

"Kurumu, please," Tsukune said, then asked, "You people have some place to go, right?"

"We're suppose to rendezvous and get off this planet," Kara said.

"We'll escort you in case more of those robots show up," Tsukune told her.

Not wanting to see any other weirdness, Kara said, "Fine, let's go before more show up."

They moved out together. Kara was curious about how they were able to do the thinks they did. Although it was a comforting thought that this was all nothing but a twisted dream, she knew it was real. "Sucoonie? How do you … do the things you do?"

"It's Tsukune," he told her. Scratching his head, he said, "We're all yokai. We have, umm, abilities that are special."

"We would appreciate it if you didn't say anything about what you saw," Moka added. "Normal humans don't like us very much."

"Um," Mizore intoned.

"So we just want to get you out of here safely, then we're going to head home," Tsukune explained.

"Already?' Yukari asked in a whine. "I wanted to collect more of this moss."

"Yeah, flat chest," Kurumu said to Yukari. "Outside this dome the air's radioactive and there's not much around. You can't even drink the water here."

"Need another vacation spot," Mizore said tonelessly.

Kara stared at the purple haired woman. "You came here for a vacation?" she asked in disbelief.

"Just as a place to get away from the crowds and the constant daily battles," Moka told her.

"Yeah, it was nice to have part of a quiet day," Tsukune agreed with a sigh.

"You destroyed those centurions!' Sam said, trying to imagine other things they might have fought.

Tsukune shrugged and said, "Just one more fight. We're used to it."

"You should see Tsukune and Moka fight, they are awesome!" Yukari beamed. Casting a glance at Kurumu, she begrudgingly added, "Even cow titties there does pretty good. Me and Ruby can cast all kinds of spells too. I'm a genius witch!"

"And a humble flat chest," Kurumu said.

"Can we please stop with the boob battle?" Moka cried.

Kara's mind was spinning. These weird people were walking through cylon infected woods, talking as loud as they wanted and not caring who heard them. Right, they ripped cylons into scrap metal, then fought with each other afterwards. "Where are you from?" she asked again.

Kurumu frowned at her. "We told you, Witch Hill, Japan."

"What planet?" Kara asked firmly.

"Oh. Earth," Kurumu said off hand. Looking up she pointed as blocky vehicles descended. "Look, are those robots too? Want me to crash them?"

"No!' Kara said quickly. "Those are our rides."

"Yeah, cow titties, leave their rides alone," Yukari said.

"Yukari," Tsukune said in a warning tone.

The pack broke into a run to meet the raptors coming down. They met in a field. The colonials quickly got on board except Kara, who hung back. She looked at the odd and very powerful people they met. They were from Earth, the place they were trying to get to. Earth was their promised land. Was it filled with people like this?

"What are those?" Moka asked as she pointed skyward.

Kara looked up Raiders. "Those are cylons!" she announced.

"Get in!" Helo barked.

"No problem," Yukari said. She turned and waved her wand at the raiders screaming in.

Huge brass pans appeared and hit the raiders. Three exploded, the others tumbled to the ground to explode.

Ruby let out a huff. "It may not be safe to go by air," she noted.

"So how in the FRACK do we get home?' Kara asked.

"Simple!' Ruby beamed. Waving her wand, she intoned, "Weasel, dweezle drowzel drone, time for these ones to go home!"

.

Kara was now standing in the hanger bay on Galactica by the raptors. A mechanic bumped into one and let out a yelp of surprise as he stumbled backwards. Gasps came from all around her. Someone yelled, "Where the frack did they come from?

.

Kara had time to think as she sat with the raptor crews in the debriefing room. Admiral Adama came in, not looking happy. In a growl, he asked, "I want to know WHY no landing clearance was asked for or given, and HOW all of you got in the hanger bay!"

The raptor pilots shrugged. "We don't know," Crashdown said.

"I do." Kara said quietly. Looking up at the Admiral's stern face, she said, "We met people from Earth. They saved us … they destroyed centurions and raiders like … it was nothing, and Sir? We really don't want to go there."

 **The End**


End file.
